Snow White meets the White Hart
The parts of this that were basically CLAMP’s Rg Veda + Juuni Kokki were good, and it certainly looked gorgeous, but, like. I REALLY WANT TO REWRITE THE SCRIPT OF THIS MOVIE, GUYS. It took pains to set up a whole bunch of complicated themes, then didn’t develop any of them properly. Possibly related to the fact that the writers clearly had no idea what an actual conversation sounds like.
* If the point of Evil Queen Ravenna is that she only turned into a witch because she is trapped by the literal curse of her magical beauty in a brutal patriarchal system (not a subtle reading, btw: this nail was hammered in), then she ought to be redeemed. Or freed from the system. Or, IDK, realize before she dies that she’s been thinking about it the wrong way??? Or else what is the point??????? #moviesthatturnoutnottobeUtena
* If the point of Snow White is that she is the special summoner unicorn who will heal the land through her purity and innocence, then she should… do that? And not resolve the story by being like “Welp gotta go stab a bitch.” Either the king or the kirin, goddamn, get your story sorted.
* She only became stabbity after the apple episode, but there was no explanation for why this should have caused her to turn into Joan of Arc. (Not that I don’t appreciate KStew in shining armour.)
* Or, yanno, the full Ikuhara/CLAMP/Madoka ending where the apple corrupts Snow (because what the apple represents in the context of the story is THE TOXIC ILLUSION OF HETEROSEXUAL LOVE UNDER PATRIARCHY). Even if you crop out, which you’d have to because it’s a Hollywood movie, it would’ve made this movie 400% better.
* Less crypto-lesbian kissing, more outright lesbian kissing.
* Speaking of kissing, it makes no sense within the context of the story that EITHER dude kissing Snow should have woken her up, because at no point does anyone say, “Guess what - only true love’s kiss can wake her!”, not even Blind Prophet Dwarf Who Randomly Says Things We’re Meant To Take As Gospel. There was also no apple-dislodging, which would be the real-physics explanation. Also, the apple represents the toxic illusion etc. so thematically speaking no dude should’ve been able to fix this, no matter how sincere his feels. Also, the internal evidence of the narrative is that Snow is more into William than the Huntsman??? Although I can understand she might not want to date him after that awful trauma, through no real fault of his own???
* But also if the OTP is supposed to be Snow/Huntsman then it should’ve been REALLY EASY to load that ship, because 65% of this film is like going through the Golmore Jungle in FFXII and making Basch buff Larsa every ten steps (…this wasn’t just my game, right?). Snow is even dressed like Larsa. They didn’t succeed at this, though, and I can’t figure out why, other than general inability to write.
* CANNOT EVEN GET INTO THE DWARVES.
Basically I’m with Roger Ebert in that there is a great movie in there… somewhere… but not on the surface, that’s for sure.